


Falling For Love

by Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempt at Humor, Drunken Flirting, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Izzy is exasperated, Izzy's a good sister, Jealous Alec, Jealousy, Jem and Alec are perfect friends, M/M, Magnus is dense, Magnus is oblivious, Malec endgame, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Poor Alec, Poor Jem, Will is understanding, all the feelings, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 10:59:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams/pseuds/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because sometimes you just can't help who you love, even if you'd be better off never loving that person in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

F **a** l _l_ in **g**

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .For

 _. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .L_ **o** v _e_

 

 

_"Is it possible that the person I've been searching for has been in front of me all along...?"_

* * *

 

 

" _Stripped_ and **polished** , I am _new_ , I am **fresh**.

I am _feeling_ so ambitious, you _and_ I, flesh to **flesh**.

Cause _every_ **breath** that _you_ will **take** when _you_ are sitting **next** to _me_ -

-Will bring _life_ into my deepest **hopes**.

What's _your_ **fantasy**? ( _What's_ your, **what's** your)

Cause I was _born_ … To tell _you_ that I love **you**.

And I am _torn_ …. To **do** what I _have_ to.

To make _you_ **mine**."

_-Secondhand Serenade, Your Call_

* * *

  _~Alexander Lightwood~_

**...**

**..**

**.**

"I **have** this _crazy_ dream where **one** _day_ you wake **up** and _realize_ I'm the **one** you've _always_ wanted..."

* * *

  **.18.**

 **No one noticed the way Alec Lightwood stared at Magnus Bane.** No one but the one who was doing the staring. Alec looked away, biting his lip and flushing as he turned back to his lunch, mentally telling himself that _no he did_ not _want to stare at that slim figure and no, he did_ not _want to get lost in those endless pools of green and gold…_

"You're spacing out again."

Alec jumped, nearly falling out of the wooden bench he was sitting on. He blushed as several amused chuckles met his ears, turning to his left side to glare at the tall figure that was sliding into the seat beside him.

"Magnus," He whined, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "Don't _do_ that!"

Magnus shrugged, throwing a grin at him. "I can't help it. You're just so… Jumpy." He reached over to poke his sweater covered side, sending a quiet shriek from his lips as he flinched away. Magnus raised an eyebrow as if saying, _'See what I mean?'_ before turning to his lunch, picking up a ketchup drizzled french-fry and popping it into his mouth. **Alec tried not to stare**.

"So blue eyes," The taller teen drawled, licking at his fingers before turning golden eyes towards him. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Alec paled. "W-what?"

He waved a slim ring-laden hand in the air. "Well, _that_ look–which has been going on for several weeks, oh don't look so surprised I _do_ pay attention you know-is the look of someone who's got a little crush~" He waggled his thin, perfect eye brows and Alec wondered how everything Magnus did managed to hypnotize him. "So, I ask again, who's the lucky guy?"

Alec desperately searched for an answer, mouth opening helplessly as his face turned an impressive fire truck red. "I-"

"Hey, Sparkles! Stop bothering Frowny over there. You know he's not good with words."

Magnus scoffed, rolling his eyes as another tray plunked down onto the table, a blonde boy with golden eyes placing himself across from Alec on the circular table. "At least he's more literate than a cave man, oh wait, that's an insult to the cave men."

Jace smirked. "Now, now. No need to be jealous of my superior intellect."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "Superior?"

Magnus scoffed. "Intellect?"

"Oh, is this a 'mimic everything Jace says' day? Because I'm afraid I'm totally unprepared." A long black curly haired girl with dark eyes took her place near Magnus, her stilettos clicking as she settled.

"Hello darling, so glad you could join us. We needed some more man power to ward this," He waved his hands at Jace in mock disgust. "Away from infecting our brains with its stupidity."

Isabelle laughed, tossing her head back. "Wow Jace, it seems you've been upped to a disease, quite the improvement."

He threw a glare at her before turning back to the taller teen. "Oh _very_ clever, Bane." Jace scoffed, tossing his head. "Is that your way of saying I'm sexy and you want a piece of this?"

Magnus wrinkled his nose shuddering in horror. "Only in your _dreams_ blondie."

"You know, if you keep this up people are going to start saying that you _do_ like each other and this is just your emotionally stunted way of flirting." An amused voice spoke, a boy with mousy brown hair and a pair of black glasses perched on his nose sliding in beside Isabelle.

"Oh god!" Magnus cried, raising his hands to his face. "Alec, make it stop!" He turned pleading eyes on the blue eyed boy who'd been watching amusedly, chewing on his fries.

Jace eyed that flamboyant teen with distaste. "I've got to agree with Sparkles on this one, that's just not going to happen. _Ever_." He shuddered.

"Disappointed?" The green eyed boy asked with a smirk. At the incredulous look Jace gave him Alec couldn't help it, he burst into laughter, shoulders shaking as he raised a hand to his mouth, struggling to hold in his chuckles. Magnus turned toward him, placing a miffed look on his face as he sniffed haughtily, raising his chin. "And _what's_ so funny?" This only made Alec laugh harder and soon enough Magnus' stoic façade was slipping, a grin curving his lips upwards and making his eyes dance with amusement.

"You two are priceless." Alec spoke breathlessly, face flushed.

"Glad to be of amusement, dear." Magnus purred, lifting another fry to his lips. "Especially if it means you laugh like that," he added. "You should really do that more often."

Alec blushed, biting his lip as he ducked his head.

"Sorry I'm late!" A flustered looking red-haired girl plopped down beside Jace, face flushed as if she had been running.

"Clary!" Jace cried, throwing an arm around her small shoulders and pouting. "They've been making fun of me."

She smiled amusedly. "I'm sure they wouldn't make fun of you if you didn't tattle tell on them all the time."

Jace cast her an insulted look, pulling back to cross his arms over his chest. "I do not!"

Clary nodded a small smile on her face. "Oh yes you do. But," She amended, leaning forward to peck his lips. "It's rather cute."

"I am not cute woman!" Jace growled, dragged her closer and placing a firm kiss on her lips.

Simon scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You two are making me sick."

Magnus nodded. "I have to agree with what's-his-face over there, I'm trying to eat."

Jace pulled back to smirk at the teen. "Jealous, Sparkles?"

"Of course not! I've got Alec!" Magnus threw an arm around the pale teen's shoulders, drawing him close to his side and nuzzling into his neck. "Isn't that right, lovely?"

Alec sputtered; face flaming as he pushed away out of Magnus' grasp, pushing back his disappointment at the immediate miss of warmth. He threw a glare at the taller teen, fixing his sweater. "You" He stabbed a finger at the teen, glowering. "A-are a…" **Alec scrambled for a word to describe the boy next to him other than,** _beautiful, gorgeous, flawless_ \--He cleared his throat embarrassedly. "Well you're not nice." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Magnus burst into laughter, leaning over to place a quick kiss on the shorter boy's cheek. "You are so adorable!"

Alec flushed, fighting back the initial reaction of-- _Lips on cheek. Lips on_  his _cheek. Oh god_ \--Really he ought to be used to this by now. **Magnus was always doing little things that gave Alec false hope.** Always giving him mixed signals that had him scrambling around for a solution.

"If you two are quite done I believe we have a party to discuss." Isabelle pointed out, placing a fork full of spaghetti in her mouth and delicately chewing.

Alec groaned at this, Simon reacting in much the same way while the rest of them grinned.

"Well," Magnus started. "First things, first. Who's driving with who?"

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

  _~Three Years Ago~_

. **15**.

_Okay._ Alec coached, leaning his head into his locker and ignoring all the strange looks he got from the students mingling about before first period. _You can do this. Just tell him straight out and then… Run away._ He sighed, shaking his head. _No way is this going to work._

"Hey, blue eyes."

"Ah!" Alec jumped, banging his head into the upper part of his locker and cursing when he felt a sharp pain on his forehead.

"Hey," Magnus said worriedly as he turned towards him. "Are you--Alec! You're bleeding!"

"What?" The blue eyed teen muttered, lifting a hand to the spot just above his eyes, wincing when it touched the spot he'd hit and frowning when it came away red. "Ow."

Magnus chuckled as he rummaged in his bag for a moment before pulling out a small square of what looked like cotton ball, stepping forward to gently press it against the small wound.

Alec hissed, stiffening and Magnus immediately eased the pressure, eyes glancing at him sadly. "Sorry."

"It's fine." The blue eyed boy mumbled, blushing as his best friend leaned closer, the feel of the cotton gone for a moment before pressing back.

"It's shallow." Magnus proclaimed, leaning back and pulling his hand away along with the cotton. "Should stop bleeding in a minute or two." He tossed the dirtied cotton into the garbage a few feet away from them before rummaging in his zipper and patch covered shoulder bag, pulling out a lime green sparkly bandade.

"I know it's not your style," Magnus murmured, leaning forward to press it over the cut. "But it's all I have."

Alec touched the surface of it once he'd pulled away, smiling shyly. "No." He shook his head. "It's fine. Thank you."

Magnus smiled back brightly, reaching out to ruffle his already messy hair. "No problem, blue eyes. Now let's get to class before we're late."

Said blue eyes widened comically before Alec picked up his own bag, placing it over his shoulder hurriedly as they began walking down the almost empty hall, Magnus' laughter ringing off the walls.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

_Alright Lightwood._ Alec thought to himself firmly. _Now's your chance. Do it now right before the bell rings and then you can make a quick escape without worrying about coming up with an excuse to get away._ He nodded once to himself, his hair moving at the movement and showing a slice of lime green on his forehead before swishing back to cover it.

"Magnus-" Alec began, turning towards his best friend.

"That boy has a crush on you." Magnus interrupted eyes unreadable as he stuck a fork with a slice of peach on the end in his mouth.

"W-What?" The shorter of the two stammered, face blazing as his eyes widened into saucers. _D-Did he just…?_

"That boy." Magnus jerked his head, stabbing another slice of fruit. "Has a crush. On you." He added as if it occurred to him that it may not have been clear the first time.

 _Ohmygod!_ Alec internally panicked. _He did he did! He just- -ut how? How did he know? I've kept it from him for a year and he never said anything!_

"I… How?"

Magnus turned unimpressed green eyes to him, smirking. "Alec, he's been watching you from afar like a love sick puppy for the past _week_. You may be oblivious to what people think of you but I'm certainly not." Magnus sniffed as if someone had just insulted him all the while keeping those gleaming eyes and Cheshire cat smirk on him.

"O-Oh." Alec said lamely, face flushing in embarrassment as he looked down at his tray, shoulders hunching.

"So what do you think? Of the boy." Magnus added before his friend could ask what he meant.

"Oh." Alec blinked, looking towards the boy the green eyed teen had been talking about. He was cute, the shorter teen guessed, with white-blonde hair and piercing black eyes. When he saw Alec's eyes on him he smiled, revealing a set of perfect white teeth. Alec blushed looking down. He was cute but… He was not what he wanted. "He's okay I guess."

"Hmmm." Magnus nodded, taking a bite out of his pizza. "I thought so." At the blue eyed boy's questioning glance he continued, waving an uninterested hand. "He didn't seem like your type."

"My type?" Alec repeated.

"Mmm." The taller boy nodded, taking a slow sip of his water. "Your type. I figured you'd be into the more…" Magnus frowned, tilting his head to the side. "Studious ones?"

Alec blinked, holding back a frown. "Oh…"

"Anyways!" Magnus drew his hands together with a clap that had several eyes flitting to them. "About that English assignment beak-nose gave us…"

And like that Alec was out to his best friend without even having to out himself.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Upon questioning later when he'd become braver and more sure of himself Magnus would answer, "I knew a little before you realized it I guess. I just didn't want to scare you off. So I waited until you were comfortable telling me." After _further_ questioning as to just _how_ he knew Magnus would reply with a smirk. " _Please_ , lovely. I'm not oblivious. I know how to read people and I know how to see what they want even before they realize they want it." **And Alec would frown to himself because Magnus was wrong, or at least he was when it came to him**. Not about being gay, oh no that was very true. But about his 'type'. Yes, the studious ones were probably the safer bet but Alec found himself drawn to-- _loud wardrobes full of glitter and color and confident strides with teasing remarks and bold glances and laughter with green/gold that shone like the sun--_ the exact opposite.

( **Not that he would ever tell Magnus that**.)

* * *

  **.18.**

"Alec, darling." Magnus frowned from his place in front of the large body-length mirror. "Aren't you excited even the slightest bit?"

The teen in question sighed from his place sprawled out among the yellow canary sheets of Magnus' bed, rolling over onto his side to stare at his best friend's back. "I don't like parties, Mags. You know that. They make me uneasy." **Plus, he added silently, it means I'll have to watch from the sidelines as you dance and touch and laugh with every guy but me.**

The green eyed teen turned to him, placing his ring-bare hands on his slender hips which were cocked to the side. "But you'll be with me and the group." He stated, confusion swimming in his green orbs. "How can you be uneasy?"

Alec sighed. "Because I'm always the one who has to watch over everything. Between Izzy and Jace and the rest of you and making sure you don't do anything extraordinarily stupid, I just… Don't have time to 'have fun'." **Liar.** A voice hissed in the back of his mind. **Just tell him the truth…** Alec pushed that thought back.

"I'll make you a deal." Magnus began meeting his blues with his own greens. "I won't drink at _all_ tonight and I'll help you keep everyone in line and stay with you if you _promise_ to let me help you have fun. Deal?"

The teen thought about it for a moment, indecision clearly displayed in his furrowed brows and bitten lip. _Maybe if I…_ _But what does he classify as 'fun'?_ Alec thought back on every party he'd ever been to and remembered-- _A flash of purple in the crowd, it parts and he stops as his chest tightens._ **Magnus is there alright but he's not alone.--** _A tall frame stands out in the lighting and Alec walks towards it only to see that his best friend is kind of busy at the moment with some blonde haired boy.--_ **He glimpses a pair of boys on a leather couch and looks away quickly when he sees the way they're intertwined.** _Sharing kisses and laughter together.-_ Alec shakes his head, swallowing back the lump in his throat.

"Alright." He finally mutters glancing at the floor.

"Excellent." Magnus draws his hands together, a grin changing his face into one of the most beautiful expressions Alec has ever seen. "Now, love, your turn to get dressed up."

Alec sighs, reluctantly dragging himself up from the comfortable surface, making his way over discarded clothes and books to stop in front of his best friend.

"Okay you know the drill, lovely. Strip and then I'll give you your clothes." Magnus gestured to the lime green padded chair in front of the electric blue vanity that was overflowing with make-up.

Alec flushed, ducking his head as the taller of the two darted towards the closet, mumbling words to himself. Embarrassment sung through his veins as he tugged his faded gray sweater over his head before reaching down to unbutton and un-zipper his jeans, pushing the fabric down to fall to the floor.

"Damn, Alec," Magnus whistled, eyes roving his body playfully and making the blue eyed teen flush, wrapping his arms around his chest. "And you say you're not attractive."

"Because I'm not." Alec mumbled, dipping his head and biting his lip.

"Sweetheart," Magnus said, stopping front of the blushing teen and reaching out a hand to tilt his chin up, serving to make Alec blush even harder. "I can _promise_ you that you are." At his skeptic expression Magnus took another step forwards, pressing his lips to his best friend's forehead. **"You're beautiful and you shouldn't let yourself think otherwise."**

Alec sucked in a sharp breath. _What are you doing?! He just called you beautiful. Magnus. Called_ you _. Beautiful! Stop standing around like an idiot and_ **do** _something!_

"I--Th-Thank you."

Magnus chuckled. "No thanks needed, darling. Now! Put these clothes on and meet me at the transformation station." He winked playfully as he placed the clothes in the almost naked teen's arms before bounding away.

"The transformation station?" He had to ask.

"Oh don't be such a skeptic." Magnus called. "It's better than, 'The place where I shall force my best friend to endure–oh the _horror_!-a make over!" He gave a mock gasp before turning back to the vanity. "Now get dressed! We have to be there in two hours."

Alec pulled on the black tank top, frowning slightly when the collar dipped down to reveal his collarbone before pulling on the forest green skinny jeans that had pale blue lining the seams in zigzag patterns. Next was the frosty blue belt with green studs which he quickly put on, letting one side slide down his thigh like Magnus had coached him many times before. He gave himself a once over to make sure everything was in place before he made his way over to the chair, sitting down as Magnus fussed over what looked like several colored pots.

"Alrigh-" Magnus blinked, staring at Alec in surprise.

"What?" He tugged on the end of the tank top, shifting uncomfortably as he dipped his head.

"You look great, love." Magnus finally said, turning the chair that the teen was sitting on to face away from the mirror. "Now I'll make you look even greater!"

Alec sighed closing his eyes before he was even asked to as Magnus neared him with a blue pencil. "Great." He mumbled to himself. _Great_.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"…You know I have a question." Magnus murmured sometime later as he was dusting Alec's eyelids with silver eye shadow.

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you let me do this and never your sister?"

"Because I trust you." Alec stated simply. **And because anything that makes you smile like that is worth the discomfort,** he thought as he opened his eyes.

"There!" Magnus turned the chair around. "What do you think?"

As always Alec was hit with the question of, was that really him? The boy in the mirror had large blue eyes that seemed bottomless, light blue liner highlighting the darker rings of blue near his iris. Pale silver dusted the creases and upper part of his eye lids, a small swirl of it curling out from the corner of his outer eye, almost unnoticeable. His hair was still as messy as ever but Magnus had somehow manipulated it to look like he'd spent hours making it that way, the strands of unruly hair giving off a sexy bedhead look.

"It's amazing, Mags." Alec replied honestly, tearing himself away from his reflection. Magnus beamed, teeth flashing in the light before he went to rummage in his closet once more, holding up a black jacket with a satisfied cry.

"Here," He held it out towards the shorter teen and Alec took it, giving it a once over.

It was black yes, but if you looked closely there were silver threads woven around the pockets, sleeves and collar that flashed in the right light. The sleeves bunched up at the elbows, showing off his muscular arms as he pulled it on.

"Gorgeous." The green eyed teen nodded. "Now for my turn."

Alec made his way back over to the bed, watching his best friend scramble around with a small smile. _Yes._ **Anything was worth it to see him smile like that.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

The party was as they always were. Crowded. Full of beer and drugs. And of course, people fucking in nearly every dark corner and room. …Alec hated it. It was in these places where he had his heart stomped on over and over again. It was in these places where the truth really hit him and that evil little voice whispered those heartbreakingly true words that **Magnus could** _ **never**_ **want him.**

"Alright, darling." Magnus grinned. "Are you ready to have fun?"

 _You're doing this for him. It makes him happy. You're doing this for him. It makes him happy. You're doing this--_ "Yes." Alec nodded shakily.

The green eyed teen took his hand in his, leading him through the crowd and… Into the dance floor. Alec's eyes widened in horror.

"Magnus!" He struggled to pull his hand out of his best friend's grip, eyes scanning the room for an escape.

"Yes?" The taller teen replied in a sing song voice.

"A-Are we _dancing_?"

Magnus glanced at him over his barely covered shoulder looking surprised. "Of course."

They stopped in the middle of the moving crowd, bodies closing in around them as soon as they stopped moving.

Alec gulped as the taller teen turned to him, not releasing his hand. "Bu-But-"

"Alec." Magnus interrupted with wide pleading eyes, glancing down at him through his lashes. " _Please_?"

"I-I-" The blue eyed teen was at crossroads. Dancing with Magnus was once of his deepest fantasies. To be able to be close to him like he'd seen others, to have his best friend's slender frame pressed against his, grinding and moving together with the excuse of music--Well he'd wished for it many times over. But at the same time… What if he slipped up? What if Magnus saw the way Alec looked at him? **How he longed to be close?** _It may be the only chance you get._ A voice murmured. Alec's eyes narrowed, clenching his jaw as he met Magnus' eyes. "Alright."

Magnus grinned pulling the shorter teen closer as he began swaying to the music, rolling his hips and letting his torso carry through with the movement.

"Wai-Wait!" Alec squeaked out, immediately cursing himself when that delicious image ceased, his secret love pausing to glance at him worriedly. "I-I Just… I don't know how to dance." Which was a lie because he certainly _**did**_ know how to dance due to several nights of being so _**damn frustrated**_ at having to watch his love throw himself at people who _**weren't him**_ that he finally gave in to the offers of dancing and drinking and apparently, according to several boys, he was _**extremely**_ good at it. **Not that Magnus had ever noticed what with him being occupied otherwise.** Alec nearly cringed at the bitterness held within that thought.

"Oh." Magnus blinked before sending him a reassuring smile, taking another step closer to place his hands on Alec's hips. "Then I'll teach you."

 _Oh my god._ Alec held back a flinch at the warmth those hands created, flushing brightly as he struggled not to let Magnus know just what that simple touch did to him. "O-Okay."

Magnus grinned.

"Alright, love. So first, you need to listen to the music. Get a taste of the beat and then let it roll up through your body." Alec closed his eyes as if he was doing just that, forcing himself to take several moments to satisfy the green eyed teen, pretending to get ahold of something he already felt.

"Now," Magnus murmured, sliding his hands slightly along his hips, pushing them gently side to side. "Let your body move with it. Don't think about it, just go with it."

Alec held back for several moments, relishing in the feel of Magnus touching him before beginning to move on his own, trying not to show just how experienced he was at this.

"Good!" Magnus praised, a smile in his voice that had Alec opening his eyes, his breath nearly leaving him when he saw how close his best friend was. "You're a natural, love. Now I'm going to join in." He warned, beginning to rock his hips as well, rolling his body to the beat.

Alec hesitantly let his arms slide up to wrap around the taller boy's neck, growing more confident at Magnus' encouraging glance. He moved ever so slightly closer as he slowly let his past experiences take over him. If this were a stranger Alec would have already been going full out, grinding harshly into hips and tangling his fingers into silky hair. But this wasn't. This was Magnus. **And Magnus was completely different from those people.**

He sucked in a sharp breath when his own grinding hips met his best friend's, giving Magnus' hair a sharp tug on reflex. His eyes widened at the soft moan he got in reply. He knew Magnus' hair was sensitive from the way he'd always loved having it stroked and petted when they were kids but this… This was completely different information. He gave the silken strands another sharp tug, tangling his fingers in the un-gelled back.

Magnus let out a ragged groan, bucking his hips down into Alec's and sending an answering moan from the blue eyed teen.

"Alec," Magnus shuddered. "If you don't stop that I'll-"

Alec did it again, the music and cover of the crowd and dark lighting making him brave as he finally let his body move to its full potential. Magnus glanced at him in shock.

"You lied." Magnus murmured into his ear, voice deep and causing goose bumps to erupt on his skin, a soft shiver going throughout his body. "You have done this before."

"Oh." Alec laughed breathlessly, biting back a shudder as those lips dipped to brush ever so slightly against his jaw. His neck and jaw were always his weakness. "Mu-Must have slipped my mind."

Magnus snorted, letting his arms wrap further around his slender waist, leaning his head against the blue eyed teen's shoulder. "Yeah that's it."

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Alec didn't know how long they danced like that. Moving with one another and letting the soft moans and groans slide. **They were so close and yet Alec longed to be closer.**

Tanned hands ran up and down his waist, slender fingers slipping underneath the tank top every now and then to caress teasingly. Alec let his fingers tug and play with silken strands in reply, occasionally sliding his hands down the smooth skin of Magnus' revealed back before sliding back up again.

That was another thing that was killing Alec. Magnus' clothes. His best friend wore a lime green shirt that dropped off one shoulder, scooping down in the back to just stop above his shoulder blades. The front dipped down in a soft oval, the bottom barely covering his stomach as it closed in to cling to his skin. On his long legs were leather jeans that hugged his hips and thighs in a way that should have been illegal. A pair of electric blue shoes were on his feet, the slightly raised heal earning the taller teen another inch or so of height.

**It was completely and utterly killing Alec with want.**

Soft lips began trailing up and down his neck, sending soft moans tumbling from his throat as shivers of pleasure worked their way up and down his spine. By the way Magnus chuckled he'd realized Alec's weakness.

The blue eyed teen couldn't really understand what was going on, the only thing he knew was that he wanted this fantasy to last as long as possible. **And that he wanted more.** _More more more more more-_

Alec stretched his neck out, giving the taller boy more skin to touch, sighing his appreciation when the green eyed teen obliged. As he was running his fingers down to stroke at the revealed skin at his secret love's waist he was vaguely aware of a song change.

_-But baby there you go again; there you go again making me love you-oo. Yeah I stopped using my head using my head let all go-oo.-_

A tan hand slipped underneath his shirt, trailing up to trace his ribs, the other curling around his thigh to pull him closer, a leather clad thigh pushing in-between his legs to grind into the growing bulge in his pants. Alec shuddered, panting as he arched his back, grinding back into that delicious friction. A growl answered him in turn.

_-Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo-oo. And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you-oo.-_

Purple and silver flecked nails dug into the skin of his hips and Alec moaned desperately into Magnus' ear, face flushed as he dragged his hands down the green eyed teen's back.

_-So I cross my heart and hope to die-ie. That I'll only stay with you one more ni-iii-ght. And I know I said it a million ti-iii-mes. But I'll only stay with you one more ni-iii-ght.-_

Soft lips traveled up over his jaw and Alec shuddered, whimpering as they went everywhere _but_ his lips. A soft chuckle sounded against his cheek before a soft kiss was placed against the corner of his lips in appeasement.

_-Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes. Trying to tell you stop but your lipstick got me so out of breath.-_

A nagging thought tugged at his mind as he raised his head, silently begging for those lips to fall onto his. _…No… …Sto…_

_-I'd be waking up in the morning probably hating myself. And I'd be waking up feeling satisfied but guilty as hell, eh.-_

_**STOP!**_ Alec stiffened, eyes jolting open in shock as those lips just barely brushed his. Green eyes fluttered open seconds later in confusion to meet horror filled blues. _Oh my god--Did I just? Did we almost--Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

The shorter teen wrenched himself free, staggering back into a couple that was currently making out, mumbling an apology as he kept eye contact with those surprised green eyes.

"I…" Alec trailed off, his stomach rolling as he thought about what he'd just done. What he'd _almost_ just done. "I have to go." He turned, bolting through the crowd for the door, his face turning green.

_-…And I know I said it a million ti-iii-mes. But I'll only stay with you one more ni-iii-ght. Uh uh, yeah baby give me one more ni-iii-ght.-_

**Alec just barely made it outside before heaving into the bushes violently.**

* * *

"It's a _shame_ … that it **had** to _be_ **this** _way_.

It's not _enough_ to say _I'm_ **sorry**.

It's _not_ **enough** to _say_ **I'm** _sorry_.

Maybe I'm to **blame**.

Or _maybe_ **we're** the _same_.

But either _way_  I can't **breathe**.

_Either_   **way** I _can't_ **breathe**.

.

All I _had_ to _say_ is **goodbye**.

_We're_ **better** _off_ this **way**.

.

I'm alive, but _I'm_ losing _all_ my **drive**.

Cause _everything_ we've been **through** and _everything_ about **you** …

Seemed _to_ be a **lie**.

A _guiltless_ **twisted** _lie_.

It made _me_ learn to _hate_ **you**.

Or _hate_ **myself** for _letting_ it **pass** _by_.

.

And every, _everything_ isn't **only** …

_What_ it **seems.**

So _hold_ **these** , _words_ that you **never** _told_ **me**.

.

Take my _pain_ **away**.

_Tear_ it **out**.

Tell me I _was_ **wrong**.

_Tell_ me I **was** _wrong_.

_-Secondhand Serenade, Goodbye_

* * *

  **.18.**

Alec stared blankly at the light blue walls of his room, his mind a whirlwind that surrounded one person.

 _ **He lied.**_ _He said he'd stay with me the whole night but he lied._ His lower lip trembled, a single tear falling from his eye.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

He'd gone back in after several moments of taking a few deep breaths, calming his head and stomach and realizing how much of an ass he must have looked, leaving Magnus there so suddenly.

He turned back to the door, pushing his way back inside the crowded house, eyes searching for his best friend frantically, pushing away the memories of what had occurred just moments before. _What if he's angry? What if he's somewhere drinking and wondering what he did wrong? What if-_

And Alec stopped, eyes zeroing in on the tall form of the boy he'd fallen in love with, laughing humorously to himself as he forced himself to watch. **To see**. Because this is Magnus we're talking about. Magnus who never worries about what people think about him (or at least not anymore). Who moves on in such a short amount of time that it sometimes gives Alec whiplash just trying to keep up. This is Magnus, who never keeps his word. **Who's always letting Alec down.**

Yes, Alec sees.

He walks out, throwing his keys into the car so Magnus can drive home (he's not that much of a bastard). Pulling the zipper of Magnus' jacket up and pushing his hands into the side pockets, beginning the long trug home and completely forgetting to check on his siblings.

**He needed the time to think.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

He looks at himself in the mirror, noting the bags under his eyes with little care. It's not the bags he's worried about; oh no those are perfectly normal and explanatory. It's the possible redness around his eyes that he's worried about. He looks closely, studying from every angle (because he hangs out with people who can tell from 100 feet away whether a bag is really Gucci) leaning back once he's satisfied. He looks perfectly normal. As if he hadn't cried all night until he'd finally fallen asleep. No one will know. No one will **ever** know.

… **He doesn't know whether he's thankful or if this just makes him want to cry all over again.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Magnus picks him up. "Avoiding me Lightwood?" He replies with a raised eyebrow. "Or are you just so impatient to get to school that you couldn't wait for me to wake up?"

And Alec smiles against his will, getting in the passenger seat and struggling to hide his panic. _Because what if his best friend brings up last night? What if he wants to talk about it-_

Magnus starts talking about how the teachers are trying to kill them with homework this year, despite the fact that they were going to graduate and can't they just give them a break already?!

Alec murmurs his consent, spacing out. **He can't help but notice the hickey that's just barely covered by Magnus' pale blue scarf.**

* * *

  _~Four Years Ago~_

**.14.**

It was Magnus' Birthday. Alec had stayed home from school, telling his best friend that he'd gotten the stomach bug and sneaking to the other boy's house to set up with Magnus' Mother.

Lilly was a nice Mother, always having something funny to say to lighten your mood. Alec couldn't remember how many times he'd come over after being yelled at harshly by his Father, seeking comfort when his own Mother was nowhere to be found, off on business. Every time Lilly had welcomed him in with open arms, offering him some delicious smelling food and chatting with him and Magnus as they ate. When Alec went home he'd forgotten all about what he was sad about.

They'd blown up balloons, taped streamers to the walls and ceiling of every color they could find at the store, baked a chocolate cake and painted it with chocolate frosting before setting several chocolate covered strawberries on top, just the way Magnus liked.

"Oh shoot!" The elder Bane exclaimed. At Alec's questioning glance she smiled apologetically. "Sorry Alec but I forgot the ice cream, I've got to go pick some up. Can you finish setting up for me, dear?"

Alec nodded, smiling and wishing her good luck as she grabbed the car keys, leaving through the front door with a quick wave. **That would be the last time Alec Lightwood would ever see Lilly Bane.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Alec waited in the living room where everything was set up, shifting nervously as he glanced at the clock. It had been almost an hour since Magnus' Mom and left and she still wasn't back. And to make matters worse he could see the bus outside, dropping his best friend off.

The blue eyed boy sighed, straightening his shoulders. _You can do this. You just have to make it until Lilly comes back._

The door opened with a small creak.

"Mom!" Magnus called. "I'm home! Do you mind if I go over to Alec's? He said he was si-"

Magnus stopped in the doorway, blinking in shock as he took in the decorated room.

"Umm," Alec smiled timidly. "Surprise?"

"Alec, you did this?"

"Well your Mom helped too but, yeah." He shifted nervously, glancing shyly up at his secret crush. "Do you like it?"

Magnus made a sound of disbelief, entering the room. "Like it?! I love it!" He grinned, wrapping the smaller boy in a hug. "Thank you!"

Alec grinned, blushing as he hugged the green eyed boy back.

"Where's Mom?" Magnus asked once they'd parted, glancing around the room.

"Oh well she went to go get ice cream-"

A sharp knock sounded from the door and Magnus turned towards the front hall, Alec following warily behind. Lilly had a key so she wouldn't knock-

"Hello?" Magnus asked, opening the door to gaze up at the police officer in confusion.

"Hey kid." The officer seemed to try to smile, making it seem more like an pained grimace. "Is your Dad home?"

Magnus crossed his arms, jutting out a hip as he raised an eyebrow. "I don't have one. My Mom is gone at the moment but she should be back soon-"

"Kid." The officer interrupted, looking uncomfortable and extremely sorry. "Your Mother… She was in a car crash. She didn't survive the trip to the hospital."

Magnus' tanned face turned an alarming shade of pale. "What?"

"Your Mother… She's dead."

Magnus shook, and the look of utter hopelessness on his face shook Alec from the frozen form he'd been in before. He went forward quickly, wrapping his arms around his crush and giving the Officer a sad smile. "Thank you for telling us."

The Officer nodded. "Do you want me to call anyone or…?"

"No." Alec shook his head, glancing worriedly at Magnus who seemed to be frozen. "I'll call my Mom in a little bit, we'll be fine."

The Officer nodded before making his way off the porch, sending them a sad look. "I'm sorry."

Alec shook his head, pain welling in his heart for his best friend. "Yeah, me too."

He gently closed the door, leading his crush up into his room, avoiding the party streamers and presents.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

After quietly explaining the situation to his Mother and having her agree to let him stay with Magnus for the night, he went to his best friend's room, entering hesitantly.

"Magnus?" Alec questioned uncertainty. "My Mom said I can stay tonight if you want me to?"

The green eyed boy's form stayed still for a moment as he sat down beside him, biting his lip uncertainty as he placed a hand on his crush's shoulder. "Mags?"

"It's my fault she's dead."

Alec sucked in a sharp breath at the dead tone of his friend's voice. "No! No Magnus you can't believe that! It's not your fault that that guy hit her car-"

"No. But it is my fault she was driving in the first place." Magnus laughed bitterly, turning to look at Alec with pools of green that swam with unshed tears. "You said so. She went to go get ice cream. For _me_."

Alec's eyes softened. "Oh Magnus…" He pulled the green eyes boy into his arms. Magnus lurched forward at the contact, bringing his arms around the smaller boy and sending them back onto the bed as he sobbed into Alec's shoulder.

"M-My fault-t… A-All my f-fault…"

"No… No Magnus… You're wrong… Shhhh… It's gonna be okay Mags, I'm here... I'm here..."

That night Alec fell asleep with his newly broken hearted best friend, his own tears soaking the comforter as he whispered words of comfort and love into Magnus' ears. _Magnus would not remember the way Alec kissed his forehead that night just before he let himself drift to sleep, nor would he hear the whispered, "I love you." That was whispered so quietly it was barely even that._ **Magnus would not remember at all. But Alec… Alec would.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

That year Magnus moved in with the Lightwood's, taking the room across from Alec's.

* * *

 " _There_ **were** _places_ we would **go** , at _midnight_.

There _were_ secrets that _nobody_ else would **know**.

  
_There's_ a **reason** but I _don't_ **know** _why_ , I _don't_ **know** _why_...

I thought they _all_ belonged to **me**.

  
_Who's_ **that** _girl_?

Where's _she_ **from**?

  
_No_ she **can't** _be_ the **one** , that you _want_ , that has **stolen** my _world_.

It's not **real**!

It's _not_ right!

It's my **day**!

It's _my_ **night**!

By _the_ **way**...

  
_Who's_ **that** girl...

Living _my_ **life**.

  
_Seems_ like **everything's** the _same_ , **around** _me_.

Then I look _again_ and everything has **changed**.

I'm _not_ **dreaming** so I _don't_ **know** _why_ , I _don't_ **know** _why_... She's **everywhere** I _want_ to **be**.

.

I'm the _one_ that made you **laugh**...

Who _made_ you **feel** who _made_ you **sad**.

I'm not **sorry**.

For _what_ we **did** ,

For who we **are**.

I'm _not_ **sorry** _I'm_ **not** _her_...

- _Hilary Duff, Who's That Girl_

* * *

  **.18.**

"Everyone, this is Will and Jem." Magnus grinned at the group, and all Alec can do is stare at the entwined hands in front of him.

Isabelle is the first to break the silence, smiling at the two boys. "Hi! I'm Isabelle but call me Izzy, otherwise I'll castrate you!" She beamed before throwing a worried glance at her brother.

Alec didn't notice. To busy staring at his best friend's tanned hand which was **entwined. With. another.**

The other's introduced themselves before only Alec was left. When he remained silent they cast him worried glances.

"Darling?" Magnus asked, concerned as he took in his glazed blue eyes.

"Huh?" Alec blinked shaking his head. "Wha--Oh." He gave the two boys a weak smile. "I'm Alec. Nice to meet you." He glanced up at the boy Magnus was holding hands with and gasped. Right in front of him was a near image of himself.

_**Why? Why can't that be me? Why do you have to chose everyone but me?** _

"I--I'm sorry but I really have to go." He stood up hurriedly, placing his bag on his shoulder and tripping over a chair in his haste. He braced himself, prepared for the hard floor to greet him before a pair of pale arms caught him. Alec sucked in a sharp breath, raising his head and blushing when his nose nearly collided with the other boy's.

"I-I'm so sorry!" Alec mumbled, pulling back to ring his hands, blushing horribly as he glanced at the silver haired teen apologetically.

"No problem." The boy smiled. "Happens to me all the time."

The boy named Will snorted and Alec stiffened, shoulders hunching as if to buffer himself from the teen. "Yeah right, Jem. You're so graceful sometimes I wonder if you even touch the ground when you walk."

Jem laughed, a smile curving his lips up into a gentle smile. "It's all in the form, my friend." Alec couldn't help but notice the brief flicker of pain in his silver eyes.

The blue eyed teen glanced at Will and then back at Jem before his eyes widened in understanding. "I'm sorry." He murmured, and when Jem glanced at him it was clear that the teen understood that he wasn't talking about nearly falling on him. _I understand what you're going through._

Jem blinked before smiling sadly, a knowing look in his eyes. "It's really no problem." _Looks like we're in the same boat then._

Alec nodded. "Thank you." _Yes._

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Isabelle leaned over towards Magnus, covering her mouth with her slender hand. "I think Alec likes him."

No one noticed the slight narrowing of Magnus' eyes nor the tightening of his hands. No one except Will.

"Excellent." Magnus smiled, barely pulling it off.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Jem was a good friend. Alec discovered. He was always there to talk if Magnus and Will got on his nerves or if his emotions were just too much--And Alec was always there to do the same for him. They had an understanding. They were alike.

And everyone saw that. He couldn't even remember how many people had told him that they should date or how cute a couple they were. It was when Magnus finally said it with a grin that Alec finally snapped.

"Alec?" Jem murmured surprise evident on his face as he opened the door. "What's wrong-"

Alec flew at him, his lips coming down onto the slightly shorter teen's as they stumbled back into the hallway. "Jem," The taller boy pleaded, raining kisses up and down the shorter's neck. " _Please_."

Jem pulled back, placing his hands on Alec's cheeks to scan his face, eyes softening in understanding as several tears slipped down his pale face. "Alright." He whispered, closing the door gently with his foot and leaning up to kiss away the tears. "Alright."

**Alec stayed the night.**

* * *

  _~Five Years Ago~_

**.13.**

Alec didn't know how it happened. One day he was looking at his best friend as _just_ his best friend and the next he was breathless and wondering how one person could be so damn _beautiful_.

**(Looking back on it, it wasn't that surprising given the circumstances. Alec had been realizing he was gay and crushes were normal during this period. However, Alec wasn't one for 'crushes' and he just found himself spiralling deeper and deeper into a love that could never be returned.)**

* * *

  **.18.**

Alec rung his hands, looking defeated as he waited for Jem to wake up. _He couldn't **believe** that he'd been **so stupid** \--How could he have--_And then; _**Oh god! What if Magnus finds out?!**_

"Alec," A soft voice murmured from beside him as a pale hand raised to swipe at his cheeks, coming away with several tears. "Stop worrying, if you don't want him to know we won't tell him."

Alec exhaled, shuddering and wiping at his face as he turned to face his recently made friend. "Sorry." He mumbled.

The smaller teen smiled gently. "Don't worry about it." He sat up, rubbing at his eyes and Alec gasped, eyes panic striken as he took in the bruises around his hips and shoulders, along with the small claw marks and hickeys on his neck and chest.

"Oh my god! Jem I'm so sorry I didn't mean-"

"Alec, it's fine really. Besides," Jem gave him a rueful grin. "You don't look like you faired that much better."

Alec blinked in surprise looked down and sucking in a shocked breath. Sure enough there along his chest and hips were bite marks and hickeys. When he shifted his back twinged, causing him to wince. Jem frowned, leaning back and letting out a soft curse. Cold hands **(cold, Magnus' hands weren't cold they were warm-)** traced something on his back and he exhaled a soft hiss in discomfort.

"Damn." Jem frowned. "If anyone should be asking for forgiveness I think it should be me, Alec. I got you deep."

Alec shrugged before laying back down with a sigh. "It's fine really."

Jem joined him, breathing softly.

"We really needed that didn't we?"

The silver haired teen chuckled sadly. "Yeah."

Alec turned his head to look at his friend. "Are you ever going to tell him, Jem?"

Jem sighed, gazing at the blue eyed boy beside him. "I don't know. I want Will to be happy and if me staying his friend and just his friend makes him happy then I'll do it."

Alec hummed. "Me too."

It wa silent then, the gentle breathing of the two filling the room before-

"And Jem?"

"Hmmm?"

"If you do anything to hurt Magnus I'll never forgive you."

Jem sighed, closing his eyes once more. "Yeah. The same for me."

* * *

  _~Five Years Ago~_

**.13.**

"Magnus is popular isn't he?" Isabelle asked, watching with her brother from their place in the corner of the lunch room as Magnus chatted with a group of kids.

"Yeah." Alec murmured, blushing as he stared at the green eyed boy, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I wonder when he'll get a girlfriend or boyfriend..." The younger girl questioned, almost as if talking to herself.

Alec paled, eyes widening as his chest tightened, his heart pounding for an entirely different reason. "What?!"

Darkened pools of black turned to him and Isabelle blinked, tilting her head and frowning. "C'mon Alec! You can't be that dense. More than half of the girls are trying to get his attention and a good chunk of the boys as well. It's only a matter of time before he gets a boyfriend or girlfriend." She stated this as if it was the most simplest of things in the world. As if saying that the sky was blue or the grass was green.

Alec turned to Magnus again, frowning as he finally let himself see the way the girls blushed and batted their eyelashes, the way the boys grinned and did their best to stand out.

**(And that was the day Alec Lightwood decided to do his best to be everything that Magnus Bane had ever wanted.)**

* * *

  **.18.**

"Alec!" Magnus exclaimed, darting over to the blue eyed teen, enveloping him in a bone crushing hug. "Don't do that ever again!" The taller boy pulled back, frowning as he cocked a hip. "Where the hell were you?! God Alec! I thought- I thought that you-" Magnus faltered, his eyes showing the vulnerability that Alec knew he tried so hard to hide.

The shorter teen immediately felt guilt rush through him. Now that he looked closer, Magnus had several dark bags under his eyes, barely concealed with make-up. His hair was down and it seemed to have gone through heavy abuse. Large tuffs of hair pointing every which way.

**("M-My fault-t… A-All my f-fault…")**

_And where were you when he was worrying about you? Fucking his boyfriend's best friend. Pathetic._ Alec swallowed heavily. "Magnus I-"

A soft snort of laughter sounded from the side of the room and the blue eyed teen stiffened, turning to the couch to see Will sprawled out as if he belonged there, black hair skillfully tussled in a way that Alec could never pull off and falling into blue eyes that were so much better than his.

Magnus turned to him, hands on hips as he narrowed his eyes. "And _what's_ so funny?" He sounded miffed, angry even, but Alec could see the gleam of playfulness in his eyes, his shoulders immediately relaxing as he faced the other boy.

 **(Magnus turned toward him, placing a miffed look on his face as he sniffed haughtily, raising his chin. "And** _**what's** _ **so funny?"-)**

A pale jaw clenched in jealousy, hands fisting at his sides.

"Oh come on Mags! You're not his keeper. Give him a break."

A wave of pure animalistic rage washed over him. _Mags? He was letting **him** call him _ Mags _?! The name Alec had come up with when they were 12?_ _ **The name only Magnus allowed Alec to use?**_ The hurt faded away leaving only sorrow and heartbreak and his shoulders slumped, a choked sob hitching in the back of his throat before he could stop it. _I see. He really doesn't need me._ _ **Not like I need him.**_

"Alec?" Magnus murmured worriedly, reaching for his best friend hesitantly only to touch air.

"He's right." Alec mumbled, stoically. "You're not my keeper and I'm not your Mother."

He heard the sharp intake of breath right before a sharp wave of pain crashed down around him at the thought of the heartbroken expression that would surly be on Magnus' face. _Lightwood, you idiot._ The sound of footsteps following him stopped and as he climbed the stairs he let one last betrayal--betrayal in his eyes at least--sound down to his secret love's ears. "And I was at Jem's if you must know."

**He barely made it to his room before he broke down.**

* * *

 " _What_ if I **told** _you_ **who** I _really_ **was**?

What if I _let_ you in on _my_ charade?

  
_What_ if I **told** you what was _really_ **going** _on_?

No more _masks_ and no more _parts_ to **play** …

There's so _much_ I want to **say** , but _I'm_ **so** _scared_ to **give** _away_ …

Every _little_ secret that I _hide_ **behind**.

Would you _see_ me **differently**?

And would that be _such_ a bad _thing_?

I _wonder_ what it **would** be _like_ …

If I **told** you.

What if _I_ told **you** that it's _just_ a **front** …

To hide the _insecurities_ I **have**?

  
_And_ **what** _if_ I **told** _you_ that I'm **not** as _strong_ as I **like** to _make_ **believe** I _am_?"

_-Jason Walker, If I told You_

* * *

  **.18.**

**'I'm catching a ride with Jace and Clary, the keys to the car are in the usual spot'**

Alec stared blankly at the piece of paper taped to the kitchen table for a moment before collapsing into one of the wooden stools by the counter. " _Dammit_ Lightwood! Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut like all the times before?!" He felt irrational tears well up in his eyes right before his vision began to get blurry.

He wished he'd never said those words. Wished he'd stayed at Jem's longer. Wished he wasn't such a coward. Wished that Magnus didn't just think of him as his childhood best friend.

 _Wished_ _wished wished wished wished..._ **That's all he ever did anymore.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Magnus is enormously stupid. But mainly when it comes to Alec.  
> (Though in his defense Alec is the same way.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say, that having to redo all the italics and bold stuff is such a pain in the ass. It took my like two hours to fix everything. I am never doing all this fancy shit again until AO3 finds a way to allow formatting to stay when transferring stuff from google docs. -.-  
> Anyways, what was supposed to be a snippet turned into an entire chapter being finished in a matter of hours. Really, we all lucked out on this one. I even surprised myself. I'm just glad that this is finally off my plate.  
> Hopefully it meets everyone expectations! Enjoy~  
> (Honestly I'm too tired of this story to read over it properly so I apologize for any mistakes, I'll edit it eventually I just want to get it out there for all the people who've waited so patiently)

"I'm _not_ **supposed** to _be_ **scared** of _anything_ **but** _I_ **don't** _know_ **where** I _am_.

I wish _that_ I  could _move_ but  I'm _exhausted_ and  nobody _understands_ (how I **feel** ).

.

I'm _trying_ **hard** to _breathe_ **now** but _there's_ **no** _air_ in **my** _lungs_.

There's no _one_ here to _talk_ to and the _pain_ inside is _making_ me **numb**.

 _I'm_ feeling **weak** and _weary_ **walking** _through_ this **world** _alone_.

Everything they _say_ , every _word_ of  it _cuts_ me to the _bone_ (and I **bleed** ).

 _I've_ **got** _something_ to **say** but _now_ **I've** _got_ **nowhere** to _turn_ …

It feels like _I've_ been _buried_ underneath, _all_ the  weight of the **world**.

I _try_ **to** _hold_ this, **under** _control_ …

They can't _help_ me, 'cause _no_ one **knows**.

 _Now_ I'm **going** _through_ **changes** , _changes_.

God, I _feel_ so  frustrated **lately**.

When I _get_ **suffocated** , _save_ **me**.

.

I'm _blind_ and  shakin', _bound_ and **breakin'**

I _hope_ I **make** it _through_ **all** these _changes_."

_-3 Doors Down, Changes_

* * *

  _~Magnus Bane~_

...

..

.

" **Why** _didn't_ I  ever see **this**? _Why_ didn't I ever **notice** how _alone_ you  were? Was I _really_ **that** selfish? **That** _self_ -absorbed?"

* * *

**.18.**

**Magnus didn't know what was happening anymore.** One day everything was fine- _perfect even!-_ and the next it was all falling apart. His best friend was distant and not acting like his normal sweet and adorable self at all. His boyfriend kept on giving him these knowing looks whilst acting as if everything was perfectly fine and normal; and to top it all off he was slowly falling apart at the seams.

Yes, Magnus had no clue as to what was happening. Not one bit.

**...But he sure as hell would like to.**

* * *

School was a blur as it always was when Alec wasn't there with him. He couldn't concentrate on class lessons and whenever he tried to do school work he ended up staring blankly at the paper, mind miles away. He trudged from class to class in a daze, barely even taking the time to wonder where the hell he was before he was moving on to the next destination. Lunch was a period of mechanically chewing on greasy food whilst everyone conversed around him, occasionally throwing him worried glances. He trudged through crowded halls with his head down and shoulders hunched, eyes downcast and dimmed as thoughts slammed into him like the crashing of waves.

**("I... I have to go.")**

_He didn't understand..._

**("I-I'm sorry but I really have to go.")**

_But Magnus wanted him to stay! Stay... Please stay..._

**("I think Alec likes him.")**

_What... What was that feeling? As if a hand was tightening around his chest... As if he wanted to break something..._

**("Mags.")**

_A name that was so familiar but seemed so wrong coming from those lips._

**(Blue eyes flared with hurt before becoming blank-)**

_Why? Why was Alec so afraid to confide in him?_

**(A hand reaches out, nothing’s there.)**

_His best friend was drifting away, his emotions becoming more and more shielded from Magnus who had once been able to read him like a book. The teen couldn't help but think that it was his fault._

**(A sound so soft and so heartbreaking... Was Alec... Was that what he thought it was?)**

_Pain. Alec was in pain and Magnus could see it... But what he didn't understand was why?_

**("He's right. You're not my keeper-" Why did that cut through him like a knife?)**

_It made no sense! Alec had always loved it when Magnus coddled him. The blue eyed boy had always adored it when he took the time to care for him._

**(-"and I'm not your Mother." Hurt speared him like the shaft of a released arrow. Why did Alec sound so bitter?)**

_His best friend... His kind, sweet, thoughtful best friend, who hated hurting anyone and who always feared things like anger, sounded so hurt and bitter and... Broken._

How could he have missed this?

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"Magnus!" Isabelle called. "Wait up, damn it! I can't run in these freaking things!"

Magnus spared that a small quirk of a smile as he paused in his path towards the road.

She caught up with him, face flushed with a black and red leather bag clutched to her shoulder as she panted. "I could kill you for making me run in these." Isabelle gestured to her black stilettos, tilting her head to the side. "But that would only take more effort and right now I'm going to be lazy."

Magnus chuckled. "Izzy, darling, is there a reason you ran after me?"

Long mascara covered eyelashes blinked over black eyes. "Oh! Right! I was just wondering if Alec was alright? I didn't have time to check on him before coming here. I know you said he was sick...?"

_Sick? Alec wasn't sick. He was..._

**("He's a little sick, I think he caught a bug when he went out last night.")**

Oh. Right. That was his excuse. His alibi.

"Oh, he's fine. He's resting and when I checked on him before leaving he said he was just going to try to sleep it off." Magnus flashed her a practiced smile that could convince everyone but the boy they were discussing.

"Oh." Isabelle gave a relieved sigh. "That's good. I couldn't get ahold of him over the phone so I got worried..." She shook her head, long black locks waving. "Sorry to keep you. I'll meet you back at the house alright?"

The taller teen raised an eyebrow as she moved away from him. "Where are you going?"

"I have a date with Simon."

"You're not doing anything I wouldn't do I hope?"

She threw a secretive smile back, winking playfully. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Magnus laughed, flashing his teeth as he called after her. "Have fun!"

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

The green eyed teen sighed, frowning down at his damp boots. He could kill Jace for leaving him to walk home the little bastard.

**("I've gotta take Clary to this art expedition-")**

Magnus sighed. It wasn't as if he minded, god forbid he was glad the poor girl was being rewarded for having to deal with that pompous bastard--He smirked. If only Jace was there to hear that...

**("Magnus! I know that you don't like Jace that much but please, he's my brother!")**

He shook his head, black hair he hadn't had the heart to spike swaying around his face and shoulders. There was a time when he had hated Jace. When he couldn't stand to look at him let alone banter back and forth. There was a time when he wished he would just disappear, when every time he was around Magnus’ heart burned and his blood boiled.

_...He learned later that that feeling was jealousy._

**("I... I don't understand, Magnus. Please, help me understand why...")**

Magnus smiled humorlessly. Help you understand...? Help _me_ understand, Alec. _Help me_.

* * *

_~Four Years Ago~_

**.14.**

"Who's that?" Magnus questioned in confusion, pointing to a blonde haired boy who seemed to be staring blankly at the large television. He knew that his friend only had one little brother and sister. So who was this stranger...?

Blue eyes blinked, brows furrowing slightly. "Who's wh--Oh." Alec frowned. "That's Jace. I forgot to tell you earlier, but Mother and Father adopted him. Apparently his house burned down and he was the only survivor."

The other boy took in the blank gaze of the other boy and felt a slight pang of pity. He could empathize with Jace but... Something just didn't sit right with him. "I feel bad for him."

Alec nodded slightly, blue eyes curious as he gazed at the other boy. "Yeah... Me too."

Magnus felt his heart sink at that. Because he knew that look, knew that _voice_. It meant that this 'Jace' interested Alec just as he himself had once.

**(He was scared of what this could mean.)**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"He's utterly _infuriating_!" Alec fumed, eyes narrowed. "I mean, he won't talk, won't answer me. Just sits there and blinks and gives me this _stare_."

"Alec," Magnus chuckled slightly. "Calm down. You're murdering your fries."

The blue eyed boy looked down at the pile of ketchup and fries that he'd been stabbing with his fork, blinking in shock as he set his fork down onto his napkin, seeming to finally take in the numerous kids and teachers around him. "Sorry," He muttered, blushing heatedly as he gazed up at his friend through long lashes. "He just makes me so angry sometimes."

Magnus waved a hand, throwing a cheerful smile towards the other boy. "No worries. Besides, I do love me some drama." He threw a wink at Alec.

Blue eyes narrowed. "Are you sure it's not just because I promised to give you some of my fries?"

The taller boy grinned, plucking a fry from the other's tray and popping it into his mouth. "That too."

**(He couldn't help but relish in the sudden wave of relief that washed through him at the news that his best friend and his new 'brother' weren't getting along.)**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Magnus' breath caught in his throat as he stared in shock at his best friend, or rather, at the blonde who trailed like an obedient puppy behind him. "Alec, I- What is this?"

The smaller boy laughed softly. "This is Jace, remember?"

Green eyes flitted from the blonde to Alec and back. "But I thought that you...?" He gazed at his friend, eyes silently begging him to understand.

"It was all just a bit of a misunderstanding. Jace is a friend now." Alec finished cheerfully, grinning up at his best friend before glancing back at Jace.

Magnus was at a loss for words, unable to do anything but stare blankly into Jace's expressionless golden eyes.

**(He didn't understand...)**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"Listen, a couple days ago I found him in the gardens. He was... He looked happy. I didn't want to disturb him so I tried to sneak away but he heard me." Alec whispered softly. Jace had been called down to the office in order to get his schedule straightened out and finally the two best friends had some time to talk about the situation. "I thought he would be angry but he just smiled and he seemed so sad... As if he'd forgotten he could even do it. And then he asked me if I liked flowers. When I said I didn't know anything about them, that they were my Mother's and that she had a gardener come in and take care of them, he started naming them. One thing led to another and somehow we were discussing our pasts."

Magnus frowned, eyeing the teacher briefly before turning back to his friend. "So the kid doesn't talk to you, barely even gives you a glance, and the moment he's around plants he opens up? Just like that? Doesn't that sound, I don't know... A little sketchy?"

The smaller boy bit his lip, ducking his head and quickly jotting down a few notes on the board in order to make it seem that he was paying attention. "No. I know he wasn't pretending or anything like that. The way he talked about his past... And the things he said... They were horrible Magnus. You can't even imagine..." Alec shook his head, brow furrowing as if he were in pain.

**But Magnus does think he can imagine and he doesn't like what his mind conquers up, because it makes him feel for the boy and he doesn't want that. After all, Jace is the enemy right now.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

The blonde's been stealing Magnus' time with Alec. And the tall boy is beginning to feel something claw its way up out of his stomach and into his heart, as green as his eyes and just as deadly.

Jealous. He's jealous of Jace _fucking_ Wayland. **The thought _infuriates_ him.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"Why do you keep glaring at me?" Jace asks one day, head tilted to the side and blonde eyebrow raised.

Magnus frowned, looking up briefly from his spot sprawled out on Alec's bed **(and it was _his_ spot, no one else's. He would fight for it if he had to)** a brush dipped in nail polish hovering over his index finger. "Don't be ridiculous. Why would I glare at _you_. You've done nothing wrong." _(Unfortunately.)_

"That's what I've been asking myself." The blonde murmurs softly.

"Oh?" The taller boy responded coldly, spreading the ocean blue polish over his nail. **(It was the color of Alec's eyes)** "And what have you come up with?"

"Alec."

Magnus stiffened, nearly dropping the nail polish and spilling it all over his best friend's white and blue sheets.

Alec returns to them with some snacks and drinks before he can respond.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Magnus made his way up the stairs, trailing his fingertips slowly over the wooden walls on his way up. _(His nails are still blue)_ Alec had been sick with a cold and as was tradition the green eyed boy was over to teach his friend what he'd missed. Turning towards his friend's room and twisting the handle he stepped through, a hand carelessly holding the strap of his book bag in one hand near the floor.

"Alec, I-" He freezes and slowly he can feel rage build up in his veins. Jace. Jace _fucking_ Wayland is sprawled out on his best friend's bed, books strewn about. He looks as if he owns the place, even having the audacity to smirk at him.

"Hey, sparkles. Took you long enough. Me and Alec have just been studying."

The bag hits the floor, several books and papers spilling out onto the wood. He can feel the green monster within him, ripping and tearing at his insides, screaming to get out. Rage builds within him and he clenches his fists, nearly shaking with the force of it. **(Because that's _his_ spot, no one else's. And he will fight for it if he has to.)**

Magnus doesn't think it's ever felt so good to punch something _(someone)._

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

He doesn't regret it. Doesn't feel bad for making that purple bruise on the blonde's face, doesn't feel remorse for the way it disrupts Jace's beauty. He doesn't regret it... Until he sees Alec's face.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"It's just a black eye, no permanent damage in case you were wondering." Alec said frostily, placing his books down on the library desk with more force than necessary.

Magnus fought the urge to flinch.

"He'll be perfectly fine so long as he ices it." The teen continued. "I asked him why you hit him but all he said was that it was a misunderstanding. When I tried to find out more he wouldn't talk. So," Alec turned, piercing blue eyes pinning Magnus in his spot. "Why did you do it?"

The green-eyed teen opened his mouth hopelessly, at a loss as to what he could say that wouldn't sound utterly foolish. "It... it was a misunderstanding. Just like he said." **('He' because Magnus can't bring himself to say the blonde's actual name)**

Apparently that is the wrong thing to say.

Alec ground his teeth, the muscle in his jaw twitching as his blue eyes grew even colder than before. "A misunderstanding, huh? Then _do_ tell me, Magnus, what led to my _bestfriend_ , who hardly ever throws a punch because he doesn't want his nails to get messed up, punching my _brother_ in the face. Because I am _very_ curious."

Magnus stayed silent.

Immediately the blue-eyed teen deflated, looking weary as he sat down in the padded chair behind the desk across from where his friend sat. "I... I don't understand, Magnus. Please, help me understand why..."

The tanned boy blinked, hands tightening into fists in his lap. "It was an accident." He muttered shortly. "Just an accident. It won't happen again don't worry." He curses himself for not being able to hide the undercurrents of bitterness and jealousy because he can see Alec stiffen, his mouth opening in surprise and shock and he can see it all click together...

"You--You're jealous." He murmured almost in wonder.

Magnus scoffed. "Of Jace _fucking_ Wayland? Not likely."

"Magnus!" Alec scolded. "I know that you don't like Jace that much but please. He's my brother!"

The green-eyed teen couldn't help it. He **snapped**.

"And I'm your best friend!" Magnus shouted. "Your best friend who seems to be being replaced but that damn blonde who you just met barely two months ago. I've been here, by your side for more than six years! He's been here for what?" He laughed bitterly. "Three months?"

"Magnus," Alec murmurs softly, and it is all that it takes for the taller boy's anger to deflate like a balloon that has been stuck with a needle, the air slowly streaming out. Understanding blue eyes look softly into green and something pangs in Magnus' chest. Something warm and gentle and... _home_. "Jace is not, and never will, replace you. _No one_ can replace you."

His breath catches in his throat at the utter finality in that one sentence. **It is a reassurance the green-eyed teen is only just realizing he needed.** "I know. I just--I can't help but get jealous sometimes."

The smaller boy smiles, and his eyes light up **as if this acknowledgement makes something deep within him rejoice.** Alec stands, moving quickly over to Magnus before bending down to throw his arms around the teen's shoulders. "You have nothing to be jealous over." He mumbles softly.

It is then that tanned arms finally awaken to wrap around his friend's back. Green eyes close as he basks in the warmth that is Alec. "Yeah. Good to know." **(And it really is.)**

* * *

 "Between the _future_ and the **past** tense, _lies_ the **present** _in_ the **distance**.

So you think we're _never_ coming **back**?

 _Scoring_ **points** for _passion_ and **persistence**.

Between the _lines_ and the  highway _lies_ the  danger _and_ the **safety**.

.

Between the _sadness_ and the **smile** , lies the _flicker_ of the **fire**.

You _always_ said this _never_ hurt _you_ , I always said _you_ were a **liar**.

With _all_ the **towers** and the _wires_ , there **still** lies a _little_ **silence**.

Two _hearts_ and  one **connection** ,

 _one_ voice **lacks** _emotion_ **now**.

I always **knew**...

 _I_ **always** _knew_!

I know it _seems_ like _we're_ never _coming_ **back** ,

I _know_ it **feels** _like_ **we're** _never_ **coming** _back_."

_-Hawthorne Heights, This Is Who We Are_

* * *

**.18.**

"I'm sorry!"

Magnus blinked in shock, his hand halting in its movements to open his bedroom door. He turned towards the voice's owner, heart panging. "What?"

Alec stared at him desperately through red-rimmed eyes that gleamed with unshed tears. "I-I d-didn't-t me-mean i-it." Pale hands clenched into fists, tightening until the taller boy feared that his friend's knuckles would burst free from skin. "H-Honest-t, M-Magnus! P-Please b-believ-ve m-me..." He broke off, taking large gulps of air, shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

 _Anxiety attack_ , Magnus realized distantly as he dropped his school bag by the door, quickly crossing the distance between him and Alec before pulling the smaller boy tightly into his arms. He swayed gently, hands stroking the boy's back and hair, well versed in what to do in these situations. "Shhh, beautiful. It's alright, I forgive you." Several tears soaked into the fabric of his shirt and he winced internally. **He _never_ wanted to be the cause of Alec's tears.**

"I-I just d-don't w-want-t to lo-lose y-you." Alec mumbled tearfully, hands un-tightening from their tight grip to grasp at Magnus' shirt.

The taller boy hummed soothingly, pulling back to cup his friend's cheeks. "That's not going to happen, lovely." He smiled comfortingly down at the smaller boy, any previous hurt he may have felt over what had happened last night melting away. "You're stuck with me."

Alec smiled timidly back as warm thumbs swiped at the last tears. "Yeah."

He was still shaking slightly so Magnus kept an arm around his shoulders, letting him feel the familiar heat of a person that was there as he walked slowly over to his door. He hooked a foot through the strap of his decorated bag before with a swift yank of his foot he slid it across the floor to thump into the wall near his bed. “Have you been agonizing over this all day?” He questioned softly, even though he could clearly see the answer in Alec’s clouded eyes and shaking body. **He’s terrified by the thought that he left him home alone all day like this.**

The blue eyed teen nodded jerkily, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Y-you- you’re my best friend.” Alec whispered, voice thick with tears. **“I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”**

Magnus sighed softly, holding the other teen close. “Oh, darling... You don’t have to worry about that. _Ever_. **I have no intention of going anywhere, no matter what you do.”**

Blue eyes softened in happiness as Alec leaned heavily against his best friend. “I’m glad.”

“Come on.” The taller boy murmured, leading the shorter to the bed. “You need to rest. I know how exhausted you get after something like this.”

“Are you sure?” Alec questioned hesitantly, allowing himself to be pushed down onto the bed, curling up in the mountain of pillows and blankets. _(Magnus had always had this strange obsession with being practically smothered with these things, a trait which Alec has grown to love. After all, they’re perfect for when you’re in need of comfort and warmth and_ home _.)_

“Yeah.” Green eyes softened as Magnus sat on the floor, stroking a hand through the other boy’s hair. “You need to rest.”

“Mmm.” Alec sighed softly, leaning into the touch as his eyes slipped shut. “So we’re... we’re okay then?”

Magnus nodded, a fond smile playing along his lips. “Yeah. We’re okay.”

* * *

“I _see_ you **there** , don’t _know_ **where** you _come_ **from** , 

Unaware, the _stare_ from **someone** ,

Don’t _appear_ to **care** that I _saw_ **you** ,

And I want _you_.

 _What’s_ your **name**? Cause I _have_ to **know** _it_.

You let me _in_ , and begin to show **it**.

We’re _terrified_ , cause we’re headed **straight** for _it_ , might **get** _it_.

You’re _in_ the  song, **playing** in the  background.

All _alone_ , but you’re **turning** _up_ **now** ,

And everyone is _rising_ to  meet you, to **greet** you.

 _Turn_ **around** , and you’re _walking_ **towards** _me_.

I’m breaking _down_ , and you’re breathing **slowly** ,

 _Say_ the **word** , and I _will_ be **your** _man_ , **your** _man_.

Say _when_ and my  own **two** hands, will _comfort_ you,

 _Tonight_ , **tonight**.

Say _when_ and my  own **two** arms _will_ carry _you_ ,

 _Tonight_ , **tonight**.

.

Come close, and then _even_ closer,

We _bring_ **it** _in_ , but we go **no** _further_ ,

We’re _separate_ ,

 _Two_ **ghosts** in _one_ **mirror** ,

No _nearer_.

.

Come _across_ , you’re **lost** and _broken_.

You’re coming _to_ , but you’re slow in _waking_.

You _start_ to **shake** ,  you _still_ **haven’t** _spoken_ ,

What _happened_?

They’re _coming_ **back** and you just don’t _know_ **when**.

You want to _cry_ , but there’s nothing **coming**.

They’re gonna _push_ , **until** you _give_ **in** ,

Say _when_.

_-The Fray, Say When_

* * *

  **.18.**

“Alec, darling, have you seen my purple eyeliner anywhere?” Magnus called, artfully blending glitter into the spikes of his hair.

“Here.” The teen help up a small pencil from his place on the bed, a triumphant look in his eyes at finally having found it in the giant box of make-up the taller boy owned.

Magnus grinned, practically skipping over to the other teen, winking as he blew him a playful kiss, grabbing the pencil. “You’re a doll.”

Alec rolled his eyes, blushing slightly as he watched his best friend apply the liner, thick on the top and just the slightest brush against the bottom. “Weren’t you supposed to be ready half an hour ago?”

“...Maybe.”

The teen sighed in exasperation. “Oh geez, Magnus.”

“What?” Magnus huffed, placing his hands on slim hips. “It takes awhile to make this perfection possible.” He defended, gesturing at himself.

 **(Perfect was an understatement. Perfect was-)** Blue eyes rolled. “Let’s hope Will  appreciates it.” Alec muttered, picking at the rainbow bedspread. _(Where Magnus found that he had no idea.)_

Magnus sighed, seeming to not have heard the other teen as he gave himself one last once over. “Alright. I’m done. Time to play~”

“...Only you would say that.” The other teen stated dryly, ignoring the stab of pain in his chest at the reminder of the things that his secret love would probably be doing with his boyfriend.

Magnus shrugged, smiling brightly. “Proud to be different~” He grabbed his jacket, ruffling Alec’s hair on his way out the door with a teasing “Be good~”

Blue eyes watched him go sadly.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

“Alec?” Izzy murmured, pushing her brother’s door open slightly.

“Mmm?” He answered, not taking his gaze away from the scene unfolding below his window.

She shut the door behind her, moving to stand beside the tall male, looking down at the scene as well. “How long are you going to continue torturing yourself?” The younger girl asked softly.

Alec’s jaw clenched. “I’m not torturing myself.”

“Really?” She tilted her head to the side, placing a hand on the glass as she stared down at the couple saying goodbye. **“So this isn’t hurting you? Isn’t tearing you to pieces?”**

“It doesn’t matter.” He muttered, hair slipping over his eyes, shielding the pain in his blue orbs.

“On the contrary,” Izzy countered. “It matters a lot.”

“What do you want?” Alec questioned tensely, heart clenching as the two males got involved in a rather hot make-out session.

“I just came to ask you how long you’re planning on letting this hurt you.”

The older boy squeezed his eyes shut. **“I can’t turn it off, Iz. I can’t make it stop hurting. It’s a part of me.”**

“Don’t you think it’s time?” She questioned.

“Time for what?”

“To either face it or let him go?”

“...I don’t know.” Alec whispered, watching as Magnus waved goodbye to Will with a wide smile.

“You think you don't have a chance?” Izzy questioned. Her brother’s silence told her all she needed to know. “Alec, he’s practically your twin. Magnus may not really see it but he’s basically dating you just with a different personality. You and I both know that he likes your personality as well so why wouldn’t he like you?”

Blue eyes watched the car speed away, the sound of the door opening downstairs echoing in his ears. “Lots of reasons.”

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

**He never thought he could hurt this much** without some kind of consequence. Shouldn't his heart stop under all the pressure or his body collapse?

It was unfathomable how much his chest ached as he watched the love of his life be happy with someone else. He _hurt_. **He honest to god, physically _hurt_ watching it.** How that was possible he didn't even know _(it sounded awfully dramatic didn't it? Something made for books.)_ but it happened and he just wished that it would go away and stop, that Magnus would stop taunting him with what would never be his.

"Alec, darling, what's wrong?" Magnus questioned, gazing worriedly at his friend. "Are you alright?"

Blue eyes blinked as he shook his head, smiling faintly. "I'm fine."

**Magnus didn't believe him.**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"Can you tell me something?" Magnus murmured, sighing softly.

Izzy paused, glancing at the tall male. "It depends."

He smiled faintly at that, running a hand through his hair. "Why does Alec keep lying to me?"

"What do you mean?" She asked cautiously.

"He's hurting and keeping secrets. But he won't give me an honest answer when I ask about it." Magnus frowned. "Is he angry with me?"

"No." She shook her head. "He's... He's angry with himself."

His brows furrowed. "What does that mean?"

Izzy sighed, giving him a sympathetic glance. "You need to find that out for yourself."

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Magnus is drunk. **That's about the only thing he's certain of.** He's drunk and stupid and Alec looks...

He looks-

"You're really pretty." The green eyed male practically slurred, just on the right side of utterly trashed.

Alec flushed, looking stunned. "Wh-what?"

He raised a hand, blinking away the colors dancing around in front of his vision as he patted his best friend's hair. "You're pretty." He repeated, nodding determinedly. **Alec looked as if he was either about to laugh or cry.**

Magnus giggled, practically crawling into the other male's lap as he patted at mussed locks. "Your hairs nice too, even if it looks like a rats nest. It's all soft and... And..."

Alec doesn't get to find out what else his hair is because the taller male is falling off of his legs and landing in a heap at his feet.

"Wha?" Magnus blinked slowly, confusion on his face. "Did you see that? I think the blanket just pushed me."

Alec couldn't help but laugh at that, **despite the fact that he desperately wanted to kiss that adorable look of confusion off of his friend's face.** "Don't blame the blankets for your drunken clumsiness." He scolded, helping his friend back up into the bed. "Now then, I'm going to go get you some water, don't move okay?"

Magnus waved a hand lazily, eyes following the gesture in interest. "M'kay. Did you know I have... Eight, nine, ten! Ten fingers on one hand?"

Alec rolled his eyes.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"Magnus I got-" He froze, mouth open in shock.

Green eyes blinked at him as Magnus stretched, his naked body sprawled out over the sheets. "It's really hot, Alec." He complained, pouting slightly. "My clothes were trying to cook me alive."

The blue eyed male coughed, eyes dropping to the floor as he flushed brightly, trying to get the image of that slim, tanned, perfect and _mouthwatering_ body out of his head, moving to hand the cold glass of water to his friend. "Drink this. It'll help."

"You're so nice." Magnus sighed, taking the glass and taking slow delicate sips. "Why is that?"

Alec stayed silent.

The other male rolled, resting his head on his friend's thigh, peering up at Alec. "Wanna play a game?"

"You're drunk, Magnus."

"And you're sober. Your point?"

He sighed. "What kind of game?"

Magnus smirked.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

"Are you nervous?" He purred, fingers rubbing slowly at his best friend's thigh just above his knee, soaking up Alec's reactions.

"No." Alec murmured, cheeks flushed brightly at Magnus' touch, heart racing. It was a wonder the other male didn't hear it.

"How about now?" Magnus breathed, voice at Alec's ear, silky and just slurred enough to remind the other male of how wrong this all was.

 _He was taking advantage, he was a horrible person, this was Magnus, this couldn't happen_ -

"No."

That slim hand was on his inner thigh now, rubbing and stroking at sensitive skin through Alec's jeans as his breathing sped up, heat pooling in his belly and making his jeans oh so uncomfortable.

"Now?"

"N-no!" Alec gasped, fingers tangling into the sheets as he forced his hips to remain still, eyes squeezed shut tightly. _He couldn't do this, he had to stop, Magnus was drunk, he would regret it-_

The taller male smirked, fingers sliding up to skim over the bulge in his friend's pants. By now Alec was trembling. "Should I ask again?" Magnus teased, mind foggy. All he knew was that his friend looked delicious with that look on his face, all blushes and innocence **and he _really_ liked being the one to put it there so if Alec could just sit there and let Magnus have his wicked way with him that would be nice.**

"N-no-"

"No?" Magnus questioned, chuckling softly as his fingers curled.

"I mean- y-yes-" Alec stuttered, eyes wide as he squirmed, mind screaming and heart pounding.

_Stop him, you have to stop him-_

_or leave it and enjoy-_

_it'll ruin everything-_

_everything is already ruined-_

_stop-_

_don't-_

Magnus blinked slowly, eyes glazed as he stared at his best friend, swaying slightly as a surge of dizziness overcame him, the room fading into black dots until only a blurred image of Alec's face remained. "So... Pretty..."

Blue eyes stared wide eyed at the wall as Magnus slumped against him, knocked out cold.

"What..." Alec blinked, swallowing as he lowered his eyes to his asleep love. "What did we just do?"

And then came the crushing panic.

_**Please, don't... Don't let this have ruined everything.** _

_**(Everything is already ruined remember?)** _

* * *

 “I _can’t_ be **losing** sleep _over_ **this**.

No I _can’t_.

And _now_ I **cannot** _stop_ pacing.

Give _me_ a **few** hours, I’ll _have_ this **all** sorted _out_.

 _If_ my **mind** would _just_ **stop** _racing_ …

‘Cause I cannot _stand_ **still**.

I _can’t_ **be** _this_ **unsturdy**.

This _cannot_ be **happening**.

This is _over_ **my** _head_ …

But underneath _my_ **feet**.

‘Cause by _tomorrow_ **I’ll** _have_ **this** _thing_ **beat** ,

And everything _will_ be **back** to the  way _it_ **was**.

…I _wish_ that is **was** _just_ **that** _easy_.

‘Cause I’m waiting _tonight_.

 **Then** _waiting_ for **tomorrow**.

And I’m _somewhere_ **in** between….

What is _real_ and **just** a _dream_.

Would you **catch** _me_ if **I** _fall_ out of what **I** _fell_ in?

Don’t be **surprised** if _I_ **collapse** _down_ at **your** _feet_ **again**.

I don‘t _want_ to **run** away _from_ **this** ,

I _know_ that I **just** _don‘t_ **need** _this_.”

- _Lifehouse, Somewhere In Between_

* * *

  **.18.**

When Magnus woke up it was not to his head splitting apart. Nor was it to his eyes cursing the very existence of the light creeping in from under his curtains. Instead he awoke to a jumbled head, a dry mouth and tired eyes. He was rather lucky in regards to the whole hangover business he supposed, while others would be bedridden he could get away with a mild discomfort in his head and a few more needed hours of sleep. However, that didn’t mean his memories weren’t still a little muggy.

Magnus groaned, rolling onto his back as he rubbed at his eyes, squinting at the ceiling blearily. His stomach grumbled unhappily, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten since god-knows-when and he sighed, pushing himself up with a slow stretch. Green eyes blinked down at his body as the sheet fell away, mind finally catching on to the fact that he was naked. And that there didn’t seem to be a cause, or rather, person, in sight. “That’s weird.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he reluctantly parted from his warm sheets, quickly throwing on a shirt and sweatpants.

Shaky fingers rubbed at Magnus’ face as he stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen where a familiar blonde was eating lunch. “Blondie,” He greeted, yawning into his hand as he popped a bagel into the toaster.

“Sparkles,” Jace answered, eyes rolling.

“I didn’t bring anyone home did I?” He questioned curiously.

“Not that I know of,” The blonde mumbled, taking a bite of sandwich. “Though they could have just fled before anyone saw them.”

Magnus sniffed, buttering the now browned bread and pouring a glass of orange juice before taking a seat at the table. “Contrary to your belief, my company is well sought after.”

Jace gave him an unimpressed look.

“That makes sense though,” Magnus continued thoughtfully, taking a bite of bagel. “I remember talking to Alec.”

“He did look rather scandalized before he left,” The blonde nodded. “I almost feel sorry for him. You’re not very pleasant when drunk.”

“Says you!” He retorted, eyes narrowing. “Besides, it’s not like you’re any better! You’d flirt with anything with legs.”

“Not you,” Jace muttered into his drink.

“It’s good to know that even you know when you’re out of your league.” Magnus smiled sweetly, batting his eyelashes. “Anyways, where were you and Isabelle last night anyways?”

“There was a game,” he answered dismissively. “Clary and Simon-”

Magnus choked.

**(play...game?--**

**drunk--**

**point?--**

**kind...game?)**

“Magnus?” Jace questioned, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“A game?” Magnus repeated, voice strangled. “Are you sure there wasn’t anyone else here? No one came out of my room?”

“Only Alec. Why? What’s-”

“Oh my god, where’s Izzy?” Magnus stood, nearly tipping his chair over in his haste.

“She’s in her room getting ready for a date, what are you-”

“Can’t talk right now, having a crisis!” He shouted, racing up the stairs.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

“I did something really stupid.” He blurted out.

Izzy stared at him in shock, dress half on. “What…” She blinked, shaking her head before gesturing towards her bed wordlessly. She slid the straps of her dress up her arms, zipping up the back quickly before she joined the panicked male on the bed. “What happened?”

“I think… I think that I almost tried to have sex with Alec.”

To his increasing frustration she didn’t even seem surprised.

“Well that explains a lot.” She admitted, messing with the hem of her dress nervously.

“Explains what?” He demanded, flailing slightly. “What do you know, Izzy?”

“Alec did seem rather strange,” Isabelle started hesitantly. “But I didn’t think that you… Did you really try to have sex?”

“I may have groped him.” Magnus admitted sheepishly. “While playing 'are you nervous'.”

“Well isn’t that romantic,” she snickered slightly. “Almost ten years and the first thing you do is go for his junk. I expected better from you Magnus, I mean really!”

“I was drunk!” He practically wailed, a blush seeping across his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t you?” She raised an eyebrow, suddenly serious. “Did you mean it Magnus or were you just playing?”

He paused, mouth opening and closing helplessly. “Why… why does it matter?”

“I like you,” Isabelle told him. “You’re my friend and I’m glad of it, but if you keep messing with my brother’s feelings we’re going to have problems.”

“...feelings?” Magnus repeated weakly.

“For someone who claims to know people you’re rather blind, huh?” She smiled sadly, pushing a strand of hair out of his face. “Get cleaned up and think about just why you did what you did and how you feel towards Alec. And then tell him the truth because I don’t think he can take much more of this. **It’s cruel to string people along Magnus,”** Isabelle murmured, voice steel. **“And I won’t let you keep doing it to Alec.”**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

**"Jace is not, and never will, replace you. _No one_ can replace you."**

_Something warm and gentle and..._ home...

**“You have nothing to be jealous of.”**

_It’s good to know..._

**“It’s gonna be okay, Mags, I’m here… I’m here...”**

_He always was..._

**“You’re beautiful and you shouldn’t let yourself think otherwise.”**

_He was more than beautiful, he was--_

**“Because I trust you.”**

_Me too, he wanted to say. Me too--_

**“Alec, if you don’t stop that I’ll--”**

_Skin that he had always told himself he was allowed to touch was suddenly looking better than ever, and it tasted just as good, the sounds it evoked in his best friend savory--_

**“Magnus…”**

_Those lips… he wanted_ …

**“I was at Jem’s.”**

_At Jem’s as in… as in..._

**“I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”**

_You think I can?_

**“Let’s hope Will appreciates it.”**

_He’s always held him in such high regard..._

**“I’m fine.”**

_Liar._

**“He’s… He’s angry at himself.”**

_For what? Magnus didn’t understand..._

**“You’re pretty.”**

_It was true. So why did Alec look like that?_

**“It’s really hot, Alec.”**

_Alec didn’t seem to be complaining_.

**“You’re so nice. Why is that?”**

_Yes, why?_

**“Should I ask again?”**

_Oh that look was delicious,_ Alec _was delicious, and he wanted… Magnus wanted…_

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

Magnus froze, eyes wide as he stared down at the shower’s floor. “Fuck.” He breathed, fingers trembling as they touched his lips. “Fuck.”

* * *

“You've _got_ these **little** _things_

That you've _been_ **running** from.

You _either_ **love** them or I _guess_ **you** _don't_.

You're such a _pretty_ **thing**

To be _running_ from **anyone**.

A vision with _nowhere_ **to** go.

.

So _tell_ **me** _right_ **now** ,

You think _you're_ **ready** for  it.

I _wanna_ **know** ,

Why you _got_ **me** going.

So _let's_ go.

We'll take it _out_ **of** here.

I _think_ **I'm** _ready_ to **leap** ,

I'm ready _to_ **live**.

.

I'm _ready_ **to** _go_.

(Get _me_ **out** of  my _mind_

 _Get_ **me** _out_ of **my** _mind_ )

I'm ready _to_ **go**.

.

You've _got_ these **little** _things_

You wanted _somethin'_ for **'em**

You _either_ **get** _it_ or **I** _guess_ **you** _won't_

What _does_ **it** really _mean_

 _To_ **get** _nothin'_ from **anyone**?

There's a _million_ **ways** it  could _go_

.

I _think_ **I'm** _ready_ **I** _think_

I know _I'm_ **ready** I _know_

I _think_ **I'm** _ready_ **I** _think_

I know _I'm_ **ready** I _know_

I _think_ **I'm** _ready_ **I** _think_

I know _I'm_ **ready** I _know_

I _think_ **I'm** _ready_ **I** _think_

 _I_ **know**.”

- _Panic! At The Disco, Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind)_

* * *

  **.18.**

It took exactly four hours for Magnus to get the courage to text Will and ask to meet. Four hours of pacing and panicking and struggling to figure out what he wanted to do. What he _had_ to do.

“Magnus,” Will greeted with a smile, fingers clasped around a warm mug of coffee.

“Will,” He answered nervously, sliding into the opposite seat as he sipped slowly on his own beverage. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Not at all,” the other male dismissed. “I was in the area anyways. I’m waiting for James, actually. He had a lesson.”

“Ah,” Magnus nodded, scratching at his nail polish. He really needed to repaint them soon, they were starting to peel--

“Magnus,” Will murmured, eyes calm. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve come to a conclusion.” He announced abruptly, crossing and uncrossing his legs. “Last night… you see… I may have realized that I have feelings that may or may not be reciprocated…”

“So?” Will prompted, looking all too put together for someone who could tell they were about to be broken up with.

“So that is, I believe we should break up.” Magnus finished, taking a gulp of his caffeine as if it were a shot.

“Alright,” His now ex nodded.

“Alright?” He blinked.

“Alright,” Will answered, lips quirked slightly in amusement.

“You’re not mad?”

“Not really.”

Magnus squinted at him in suspicion. “You don’t have a stash of secret photos or something that you’re planning on using in revenge, right?”

Will snorted, shaking his head. “No. Not that I know of.”

“Good.” The taller male smiled pleasantly, sitting back. “Though I must say I’m rather insulted by the lack of reaction.”

“Magnus, I think we both knew that this was a short term deal.” Will drawled, raising an eyebrow. “I was just waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and realize that that best friend of yours was following you around like a love struck puppy. Not to mention the fact that you were doing the same.”

Magnus huffed. “It wasn’t that obvious was it?”

“Yes.” He deadpanned. “To everyone but you and Alec. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you go tell him about your sudden epiphany?”

“Right,” Magnus straightened as if to get up before he fell back against the booth with a groan. “Actually, I think I’ll just hide here for a while, if that’s alright with you.”

Will rolled his eyes. “God help him. The poor boy will be old and gray before you finally confess.”

“Oh?” Magnus raised an eyebrow. “And what about you and Jem? I’ve seen some fairly meaningful looks…”

He cleared his throat. “Changing the subject now.”

“But Will!”

“No.”

“That’s not fair-”

“You should really shut up now.”

“Hypocrite.”

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

“Was that Magnus?” Jem questioned curiously, cradling his violin case close as he slid into the seat he could have sworn his best friend's boyfriend was in a moment ago.

“Yup.”

“He didn’t have to leave.” Jem frowned, taking the offered coffee cup gratefully.

“He only came to break up with me.” Will answered nonchalantly.

He choked. “Wh-what?” He finally managed, wiping at his mouth with a napkin. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, James.” Will smiled slowly, eyes glimmering with amusement. “It was more of a short-term deal anyways.”

“You mean as in…”

“Just sex.” He clarified, nudging the other male lightly under the table. “Magnus finally realized he had feelings for your bedmate.”

Jem flushed darkly, eyes wide. “Alec isn’t my-”

“Oh please, Jem. You don’t have to lie.” Will scoffed, taking a drink. “It’s fine. Though if we’re going to go out some time you must know that I don’t really like sharing.”

Jem stared at him in shock, mouth opening and closing before he finally shook his head. “Neither do I.”

The blue eyed male smiled winningly. “Good. How’s now for you?”

“You’re impossible.” Jem decided, shaking his head.

“Is that a no?” Will frowned, showing the first signs of uncertainty.

“No, you utter moron.” He sighed, reaching out to place a hand on the other male’s. “I’ve waited years, do you really think I’d say no now?”

Will grinned, fingers curling around his friend’s in turn. “I was testing you.”

“More like you were just too dense to see it,” Jem muttered under his breath before he blinked, eyes widening at a thought. “Does Alec know?”

“I don’t see why Alec would be interested in our relationship,” Will frowned. “Unless of course you two were more serious than I thought-”

“No,” Jem dismissed, waving a hand. “Does Alec know about Magnus’ feelings?”

Will grimaced. “From the way Magnus was talking he’ll be lucky if he ever finds out.”

* * *

"Oh _my_ stomach's **tied** in _knots_.

I'm afraid of what _I'll_ find if I _see_ you with _him_ **tonight**.

 _See_ the **problem** isn't _you_ , it's **me**.

I **know** ,

 _I_ do **this** _every_ single **time**.

I'll push _you_ **away**.

I _get_ **so** _afraid_.

Oh **no**.

And I _can't_ **live** _without_ you **now**.

I can't even _live_ with **myself**."

- _Sleeping With Sirens, Stomach Tied In Knots_

* * *

**.18.**

Alec trudged into the house reluctantly, cold and hungry from a day of wandering around trying not be found. His eyes were dried up, panicked tears long since dried up and his face felt swollen and dirty. To be honest he just wanted to eat, take a long, hot shower and sleep for a couple days.

But of course that was impossible.

“Alec!” Izzy exclaimed, throwing her arms around her brother. “I was so worried! You didn’t bring your phone with you and you’ve been gone for hours! No one knew where you went!”

He smiled faintly, shivering in her arms. “I’m fine, Iz. I just took a walk.”

“For six hours?!” She demanded, pulling away. “You didn’t even bring a jacket!”

“Sorry for worrying you,” Alec mumbled, moving towards the kitchen. “If you don’t mind can we have this conversation while eating? I’m starved.”

Isabelle sighed, stalking after him crossly and muttering under her breath about him being irresponsible. “Jace made stew if you’re interested. There’s leftovers in the fridge.”

“Thanks.” He breathed gratefully, stomach growling as he grabbed the dish and put it in the microwave. “Is Magnus here?”

“He’s upstairs. Though when he found out you left your phone home and that’s why you weren’t answering him he almost came looking for you.” She frowned, lowering her voice as she stepped closer. “He told me what happened. Are you-?”

“I’m fine.” Alec dismissed. “It was an accident and I shouldn’t have let it continue for so long.”

“It’s not your fault!” Isabelle insisted stubbornly. “He was drunk and you were just trying to make sure he was okay. I really think that you should just go talk to him-”

“No!” Alec practically shouted, eyes widening in panic. “No," he repeated softly. “I just want to eat and go to bed. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

“Alec..” She frowned, looking worried. “I really think that you should do it tonight.”

“I’m fine.” He repeated, grabbing the stew from the beeping microwave along with a fork and bottle of water before heading towards the stairs. “I’m sorry I worried you, I won’t do it again.”

She watched him sadly, chewing on her lip in an Alec-like gesture. **“The more you say you’re fine the more I don’t believe it.”**

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

He managed to eat, shower and get into bed all without coming across Magnus once. **Alec didn’t know if he was thankful or disappointed**. He probably waited at least an hour for the other male to show up but by the time Magnus got the nerve to knock on his door, Alec had already fallen into a fitful sleep.

**~OxoxOxoxO~**

They ran into each other in the hall, Alec sleep mused and tired eyes and Magnus gelled hair and done-up face. It was a good display of just how out of his league the other male was, Alec thought bitterly.

“Alec,” Magnus started, looking worried.

Said male took a deep breath, preparing himself.

“I need to talk to you.” They both burted.

They blinked at one another, mouths open in surprise before with a snicker the ice was broken.

“My room?” Magnus offered.

Alec smiled slightly, cheeks flushing. “Sure.”

He stepped through the offered door, more aware than ever of his disheveled state as Magnus closed the door behind him. “You um, you go first.”

Magnus looked as if he’d swallowed a lemon. “Right. Well I… Last night I realized… That is, you see… I broke up with Will.” He finally managed to blurt, leaving Alec blinking at him in surprise.

“You… what?”

“Broke up with Will.” He answered helpfully.

“...why?” Alec questioned cautiously, sitting down on the other male’s bed.

“I realized something I should have realized years ago.”

“And that is?” He ventured carefully, biting his lip nervously and praying silently that he wasn’t about to be thrown out.

“That I would like us to be more than friends. That is, if you wouldn’t be opposed to that.”

“More than…” Alec repeated weakly, sure now that this was some kind of fantasy.

“Friends.” Magnus repeated determinedly. “That is if what I’ve gathered from everyone is true and you feel the same.”

“Magnus you don’t… You don’t have to pretend…”

Magnus frowned, shaking his head as he moved to sit next to the other male, taking his hands. “I’m not pretending, Alec. Why else would I have done what I did last night? Or almost kissed you when we were dancing? Hell,” he scoffed. “I’ve done this all backwards. You should be smacking me about now.”

“What?” Alec looked shocked at the idea. “I would never hit you.”

The green eyed male smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to his friend’s forehead. “If you wouldn’t be opposed to it, darling, I’d like to give you a real kiss.”

Alec blushed, shivering slightly as his fingers tightened around Magnus’. He gave the other male an uncertain look before with a slow nod he gave his consent.

Magnus smiled slowly, lifting a hand to cup the smaller male’s cheek in his palm, drawing Alec closer. He chuckled softly at deep hue of red staining his friend’s cheeks, the heat warm against his hand. “Relax, love,” he murmured reassuringly, lips just brushing the other male’s. Alec’s breath caught in his throat at the touch before his eyes slid closed in surrender, body losing its tension as he leaned toward Magnus. Magnus’ smile widened in answer before he took the other male’s mouth in a slow kiss, lips gentle against Alec’s uncertain ones. One kiss turned into two which turned into three which turned into four until Magnus lost count and Alec was laid out under him, pliant and soft and warm and oh so willing under his attentions.

“Alec,” Magnus breathed, pressing lingering kisses to the other male’s mouth. “Alec, we should really stop…”

“Don’t wanna,” Alec answered breathlessly, pressing closer. **“I’ve finally got you close, I’m not letting go now.”**

 _And Magnus was damned if he was going to say no to that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I really can't stand Will and Magnus together but I can totally imagine them being besties. :3
> 
> Annnnd this fic is finally done. Thank god for that. -.-'  
> I can finally stop worrying about it and move on to better things~  
> Tell me what you thought? :3
> 
> And last but not least, have some quotes:
> 
> "Sometimes, the right person for you was there all along. You just didn't see it because the wrong one was blocking your sight."
> 
> "Somewhere between laughing for no reason, stupid arguments, and making fun of each other, I fell in love with you."
> 
> "To the world you may just be one person but to one person you may be the world."
> 
> "Thing is, I'm still stuck here being your best friend while I'm falling in love with you more and more each day."
> 
> "I can't be your best friend anymore, without falling in love with you…"
> 
> "Sometimes, when you imagine a perfect guy… You realize you've described a person you've known forever."
> 
> "I die a little inside every time you use the word 'friend' to describe me…"
> 
> "I keep trying to hide just how much I love you, but just being your friend isn't enough."
> 
> "It sucks because I know you're out there falling in and out of love with people who aren't me."
> 
> "The moment you fall for your best friend and everybody asks if you guys are going out and it hurts so bad to say 'no we're just friends'."
> 
> "We act like a couple but I don't get why we aren't together yet."
> 
> "Why is it we always fall for our best friends? Is it because we know we can trust them? Is it because we know them so well? Is it because of the way they know exactly what's going on in our heads? Or is it because they are there any day, anytime, anywhere without the promise of kisses, intimate touches or whispered sentiments of love? I think we love them because they are there when there is nothing in it for them except for that little glimmer of hope that maybe someday there will be!"

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I know a lot of you have been wanting the second part and I promise I've been working on it. I already have half of it done so please be patient with me. I'm incredibly sorry that it's taken so long and you have every right to yell at me but since this is one of the few stories I've written that I can actually stand to read over again I want to make sure that the next installment won't disappoint and will bring everything together in a way that will live up to the first. :)  
> With that said thank you for all of your lovely comments and kudos and I hope that you'll stick around for the next chapter.


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